I don't know why but lately it seems like I've been everyone's bottom of the pile. For example:
"I'm sorry Laureen, I can't spend time with you because after we spoke I made plans with another friend of mine. We're going..."
"I'm sorry Jules, I can't go to the gym with you, this guy..."--I know, the opposite sex usually seems to take priority over friends. Sigh...
"I'm sorry Laureen, but I would much rather be with this girl..."
"I'm sorry sweetheart, but your brother really needs me more right now."--this from my mom. My MOTHER of all people. Well, they do say the middle child is never loved. Jk :)
There's nothing like having a series of these happening that make you feel unwanted, unattractive, and unappealing (0n many levels). It makes you feel very insecure. Insecure is not something anyone should feel. I feel like a kid who is being traded off between my divorced parents who have their own lives and do not wish me around. I notice that I've been closing off. Dismissing others before they can dismiss me. And that is not who I am. I refuse to be the kind of person who is so closed off, no one can get close to her. Anyways, I decided that I needed to do something about this. Trust me when I say it's not a good feeling being last on everyone's list and not a good feeling to empty my list so that no one's there to hurt me. I want to come up with a plan to get rid of these kind of experiences and stop dwelling on self-pity. I don't know what it is yet, but as soon as I come up with it I'll let you know. Sorry this has been a bit of a sad post. But next one should be happier, especially if I am able to think of a plan :) On a lighter note, I looked up "second best" on Wikipedia and this is what It said, "The Theory of the Second Best concerns what happens when one or more optimality conditions are not satisfied in an economic model."
2 comments:
You are NOT being closing off, but independent. Also, you are a very funny woman and it is always fun to have you around.
I so know what you mean. You are an amazingly strong and giving friend. It's only natural for family/friends to think of you last (if they do) since you appear to never need help. Also, you very giving and never ask for anything in return, so it's natural for people to take advantage of your friendship. Those are the downsides to being level headed and the BEST friend.
Good traights always have a downside. The undeserving appear to get to much more than the deserving;)
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