Friendship

There has been so much going on!  I had an aunt and uncle (siblings) die within a month of each other in unrelated causes. I am still enjoying my master's program.  Enjoying getting to know new people.  Working a lot.  Spending time with my family.  And realizing who my true friends are.

I just realized that there are just certain friends who are always there for me (Mika and Michelle are my best examples) whether it's convenient for them or not.  With these people I am able to be myself, I know I can call and they will respond within a reasonable period of time.  They are interested in what's going on in my life.  They never judge me for my wrongs, whether they agree with me or not.  They make me feel like I can conquer the world. I don't need them to call me every day or even every week to know that they do think of me and love me. They've been great examples to me on what friends really are and really do.  I've tried to fix my behavior as a friend because of the kind of examples they set.  I love them so much!

I have many friends that I make excuses all the time for.  They're too busy right now, they are just free spirited, they have way too many friends to think about me once every three months, etc...I hope this does not sound bitter or sad.  I've thought of this before and every single time, I just push it away.  But let's face it, it's the same thing when it comes to relationships.  No one's ever too busy to call/text.  The real question is whether you are on their priority list or not. I am the kind of person where one good erases a thousand bad.  Lol.  It's funny.  It's just that I am really now understanding what a true friend is.  I've called a couple lately because I really needed a friend.  And they did not bother to even call back, especially since I am not the kind of person to call very often.  But, what really got to me was when I realized that I was the same kind of friend.  I did not always make a great effort at staying in touch.  I am getting better, but I am still not there yet. I don't expect for people to want to talk to me every day or even every week.  But I've realized that I could be in the hospital for two or three months and some people would not even know it.  And when we did talk, some of them never even asked what was going on in my life just about what was going on in theirs.  And there are some who only contact me when they need something. Here's the question:  Are these people friends or acquaintances?

Don't get me wrong, I am also realizing the error of my ways and have been getting much better at staying in touch with people, even if it's a simple text.  I hope to become a better friend to my friends.

Over 24 hours of no sleep/Meditation

I had a huge exam today and, unfortunately, was only able to study for it for 2 hours last week.  I was in quite the state this week trying to get a presentation done and study for this exam.  I finished my presentation yesterday (which is when I had to give it) and that was when I was able to study for my exam.  I have not slept in over 24 hours studying for it.  I felt wide awake when I took my exam this afternoon, which I was not sure I would be.  I expected to have crashed already.  But now I think the thrill of being done with it is still keeping me up. 

On a different note, I've realized lately just how important it is to meditate.  Everything around us is so noisy.  And we keep ourselves constantly occupied.  When do we get the chance to commune with ourselves and with our Father in Heaven?  I am really bad at taking time to just ponder.  But I am trying to make it a goal to do this at least a little bit every day.  We'll see how it'll go :-)

The miracle of life

My aunt suffered a stroke last weekend and it was tough.  For a while, we did not think she would make it.  I was constantly going back and fourth between school, work, and the hospital.  And I was sleeping over the hospital, which is not a very restful place to be.  I think I got about six hours of sleep all together last week.  My sister was doing the same thing.  She was going back in fourth between her family, school, business, research, and the hospital (this woman truly astounds me with all the things she can do). It was a busy week for us, but it was definitely worth it.  To see my aunt's face light up when we came in the room (even when she could not move much).  Family really does play a big part in helping their love ones heal. And when The doctor found out that this was her sixth stroke, we cried.  Sixth stroke!  I am not sure I would have survived a first one. What an amazingly strong woman to have survived those.  And the miracle is, she is doing much, much better.  She is also regaining strength on the right side of her body, as well as her speech.  She went home today from the hospital. I LOVE MIRACLES!

Dating through text

I have nothing really exciting going on.  School and work pretty much occupy my time.  Well...maybe not ALL my time.  I have made a commitment to myself to be as social as possible.  And I have to admit that I have done pretty well at this...for now :) 

I made a goal to go on at least one date a week.  And so far so good.  Last weekend, I was in way above my head.  These three guys were texting me about dates and I had already fallen asleep by the time they text me.  Well, I woke up and said yes to all three.  Yes...for the same night!  Well, you can't blame me too much, people.  I was half asleep!  I ended up cancelling all of them.  But honestly, why are these guys waiting until the last minute to ask for a date?! They wanted to go out the next night.  AND what is up with them TEXTING me about it?  An old fashioned phone call is all I am asking.  To be honest, my interest in them waned a bit after this.  I am still going on a date with them, but I am not that excited.  It's sad because they are all nice boys.  I told them that they needed to plan ahead of schedule next time and then I would have the time.

Am I being too picky or unreasonable?

UPDATES

  I have been insanely busy for many reasons. One, I started my master's study in Pathology (or biomedical research) on Monday and until Saturday, I did not have a place to live.  I was not homeless, just wanted to find a place in the same city I was going to school.  Did not want to commute because I can't stand it! But luckily, I found something on Saturday close to school and moved in Sunday.  I can tell my classes are going to be intense.  Yet, I feel flutters of anticipation go through my body constantly. I am following the right path.  My heart feels good and happy.  And my mind feels as peace and stimulated.

 Something else that has kept me busy is that I had family visiting from out of town and of course, I had to show them around.  It was fun...and crazy.  The last of them left on Sunday.

I had a relationship end recently and to be honest, I am relieved.  It had dragged on much longer than it should have.  Now we can both move on and find people that will make us feel happy and excited.  I've made a new rule for myself.  No more long distance dating.  There's only so much growth a relationship can have when you only occasionally spend time together.  That's twice I have tried it and twice that it has not worked out.  My next one, I hope, will be close to home.

Many new chapters in my life, we'll have to see where it leads!  I'll be better about keeping you posted.

Who would you have been?

We look back in history and often think one of two things.  One, "What an amazing and brave person who did so much for..." or two, "I can't believe that anyone would do something like that, it's so..."  Sometimes we think "I would/could never do that."  Is that true?  I could not help but wonder, who would I have been. Am I who I am today because there is a basic part of me which is unchanging.  Or am I a product of my environment?  I read this quote by Bruce Barton that says, 

 "If you have anything really valuable to contribute to the world it will come through the expression of your own personality, that single spark of divinity that sets you off and makes you different from every other living creature." 

Is that spark of divinity infinite?  Would Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, Eleanor Roosevelt, Winston Churchill, Susan B. Anthony, or Martin Luther King have been who they were if they had been born at a different time or place?  Well, I believe that even if they had not had the issues they had to deal with, they would have been fighters for other things.  They would have stood for something whether great or small.  Yes, we are a product of our environments, but that is not all of who we are.  Look at this quote by Susan B. Anthony,  does it sound like she is just the person she was suppose to be for the time she was born in? 

"Cautious, careful people, always casting about to preserve their reputation and social standing, never can bring about a reform. Those who are really in earnest must be willing to be anything or nothing in the world's estimation, and publicly and privately, in season and out, avow their sympathy with despised and persecuted ideas and their advocates, and bear the consequences." 

No one wants to be persecuted, friendless, or hurt.  But there are people out there who sees things that are not right, things that needs fixing, and they are unable and unwilling to just do nothing. Could we have seen an injustice and done nothing?  Who are we?  Who am I?  It's so easy to look back and think, "I am not that brave" or "I am not that cruel."

Now, don't get me wrong, I don't believe that Hitler and Stalin were meant to be cruel people.  I believe that they had strong personalities that were willing to change things.  Unfortunately for the world, they always made the wrong decisions.  They used that power to hurt, submit, and commit acts of such cruelty that I cringe to think of them.  My heart sorrows for those who experienced the results of those wrong and weak decisions.  But it was a series of small erroneous choices that lead to the hate and violence felt by a large group of people.  Who are we and who are we willing to be?  What decisions would we have made?  What decisions have we made?

We don't necessarily have to change the world...at least not at first.  But we can change the lives of a few people around us.  If we died today, what would people say about us?  What would our friends and family?  We can change their lives for the better.  Again I ask, who are we willing to be?  Our core personalities do not change, but we can change how our personalities are directed outwards.  I am so hesitant and unassertive sometimes that I wonder at the decisions I would have made in the place of Martin Luther King.  What decisions could I make today if I am faced with a major issue?  I don't know and because of that I need to start working on the daily things I do/say now so that in the future, I can answer this question unhesitatingly.

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."  Edmund Burke

Educational Progression

       One day, I was listening to conference at work when suddenly the idea came to my mind that I needed to apply for my masters.  I sort of laughed at the idea b/c that seems like such a waste of time to me.  Why would I apply for my masters when I am going to apply to med school?  But then randomly, my co-worker started talking about how she's never regretted getting her masters.  I thought, "well, I better look into it."  I looked at BYU and the only masters they really had in the sciences was the masters in science education.  I was DEFINITELY not interested in that.  I looked at UVU and their programs sucked.  And so I finally looked at the U and they had a masters in pathology.  I thought it was perfect!  It was located in the med school.  I felt like it was a program I needed to do. What a great way to prepare for med school!  Around the time I was looking at that, it was the 5th or so and I saw the application deadline had been on the first.  I couldn't understand it.  How can I feel so guided to do somethings only for it not to work out?

       Well, I felt like I needed to contact the admissions office and when I did, they said they did accept late applications but I would have to check with the department I wanted to get my master's in to be sure if THEY accepted late applicants.  When I contacted them the next day, they secretary said it was too late and that letters had been sent out and I would have to wait until spring.  I saw no point to waiting until spring.  By then I would be done with most of my pre-med classes.  But if I could start the masters in the fall, it would take me as long to finish that as it would my pre-med classes.  It sounded perfect!  Perfect until I found out I couldn't do it.  I was very disappointed.  But then, the idea came into my head to contact the director of the program and so I did.  After talking to her for awhile, she said that if I could get my application in as soon as possible, she would consider me.  I was overjoyed.
      I worked as hard as I could to get everything to her.  The transcripts ended up taking a little more time to get there than I hoped, but it got there.  I think about two weeks later I received a letter.  I was not home when it came and so while with Mika, I asked my mom to open it for me. She played a cruel trick by telling me it was a rejection letter :)  But in all actuality, it was an acceptance letter and now I start the program August 23rd!

     I don't know which one of you have read The Alchemist (which I highly recommend), but I feel like I am following my omens.  And because I am everything is lining up so that I can accomplish my goals.  Life, right now, if filled with so much possibilities.  I love it!