Who would you have been?

We look back in history and often think one of two things.  One, "What an amazing and brave person who did so much for..." or two, "I can't believe that anyone would do something like that, it's so..."  Sometimes we think "I would/could never do that."  Is that true?  I could not help but wonder, who would I have been. Am I who I am today because there is a basic part of me which is unchanging.  Or am I a product of my environment?  I read this quote by Bruce Barton that says, 

 "If you have anything really valuable to contribute to the world it will come through the expression of your own personality, that single spark of divinity that sets you off and makes you different from every other living creature." 

Is that spark of divinity infinite?  Would Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, Eleanor Roosevelt, Winston Churchill, Susan B. Anthony, or Martin Luther King have been who they were if they had been born at a different time or place?  Well, I believe that even if they had not had the issues they had to deal with, they would have been fighters for other things.  They would have stood for something whether great or small.  Yes, we are a product of our environments, but that is not all of who we are.  Look at this quote by Susan B. Anthony,  does it sound like she is just the person she was suppose to be for the time she was born in? 

"Cautious, careful people, always casting about to preserve their reputation and social standing, never can bring about a reform. Those who are really in earnest must be willing to be anything or nothing in the world's estimation, and publicly and privately, in season and out, avow their sympathy with despised and persecuted ideas and their advocates, and bear the consequences." 

No one wants to be persecuted, friendless, or hurt.  But there are people out there who sees things that are not right, things that needs fixing, and they are unable and unwilling to just do nothing. Could we have seen an injustice and done nothing?  Who are we?  Who am I?  It's so easy to look back and think, "I am not that brave" or "I am not that cruel."

Now, don't get me wrong, I don't believe that Hitler and Stalin were meant to be cruel people.  I believe that they had strong personalities that were willing to change things.  Unfortunately for the world, they always made the wrong decisions.  They used that power to hurt, submit, and commit acts of such cruelty that I cringe to think of them.  My heart sorrows for those who experienced the results of those wrong and weak decisions.  But it was a series of small erroneous choices that lead to the hate and violence felt by a large group of people.  Who are we and who are we willing to be?  What decisions would we have made?  What decisions have we made?

We don't necessarily have to change the world...at least not at first.  But we can change the lives of a few people around us.  If we died today, what would people say about us?  What would our friends and family?  We can change their lives for the better.  Again I ask, who are we willing to be?  Our core personalities do not change, but we can change how our personalities are directed outwards.  I am so hesitant and unassertive sometimes that I wonder at the decisions I would have made in the place of Martin Luther King.  What decisions could I make today if I am faced with a major issue?  I don't know and because of that I need to start working on the daily things I do/say now so that in the future, I can answer this question unhesitatingly.

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."  Edmund Burke

Educational Progression

       One day, I was listening to conference at work when suddenly the idea came to my mind that I needed to apply for my masters.  I sort of laughed at the idea b/c that seems like such a waste of time to me.  Why would I apply for my masters when I am going to apply to med school?  But then randomly, my co-worker started talking about how she's never regretted getting her masters.  I thought, "well, I better look into it."  I looked at BYU and the only masters they really had in the sciences was the masters in science education.  I was DEFINITELY not interested in that.  I looked at UVU and their programs sucked.  And so I finally looked at the U and they had a masters in pathology.  I thought it was perfect!  It was located in the med school.  I felt like it was a program I needed to do. What a great way to prepare for med school!  Around the time I was looking at that, it was the 5th or so and I saw the application deadline had been on the first.  I couldn't understand it.  How can I feel so guided to do somethings only for it not to work out?

       Well, I felt like I needed to contact the admissions office and when I did, they said they did accept late applications but I would have to check with the department I wanted to get my master's in to be sure if THEY accepted late applicants.  When I contacted them the next day, they secretary said it was too late and that letters had been sent out and I would have to wait until spring.  I saw no point to waiting until spring.  By then I would be done with most of my pre-med classes.  But if I could start the masters in the fall, it would take me as long to finish that as it would my pre-med classes.  It sounded perfect!  Perfect until I found out I couldn't do it.  I was very disappointed.  But then, the idea came into my head to contact the director of the program and so I did.  After talking to her for awhile, she said that if I could get my application in as soon as possible, she would consider me.  I was overjoyed.
      I worked as hard as I could to get everything to her.  The transcripts ended up taking a little more time to get there than I hoped, but it got there.  I think about two weeks later I received a letter.  I was not home when it came and so while with Mika, I asked my mom to open it for me. She played a cruel trick by telling me it was a rejection letter :)  But in all actuality, it was an acceptance letter and now I start the program August 23rd!

     I don't know which one of you have read The Alchemist (which I highly recommend), but I feel like I am following my omens.  And because I am everything is lining up so that I can accomplish my goals.  Life, right now, if filled with so much possibilities.  I love it!

Milk Banks

I was reading a Newsweek article about Milk banks.  If you don't know what they are, no worries, it was something new to me as well.  Milk banks are places where parents who cannot lactate ( either because they are adaptive parents, or male, etc...) can get the antibody, vitamin rich breast milk of another woman.  These breast milk products are screened just like blood products are since you can catch viruses and other things through breast milk.  But it cost 3$ an oz and since babies drink approximately 30 ounces a day, it could get a bit expensive.
Fortunately, I guess, some of these parents found other avenues that would cost them...well...nothing.  There are women in the U.S. who want to share freely with others of their milk.  They produce more than enough for their own child and want to give all the excess away instead of it going to waste.  The problem with this is, it's very hard to screen for diseases and other illnesses.  You are not practically guarantee safe nourishment for you child.

I found the concept interesting.  It just never occurred to me before that this was something that occurred. It's true that  breast milk is a baby's best option, but still the idea of getting it from someone else, if I was not able to provide it for my child, is such a foreign concept to me.  I asked myself after reading it whether I would ever purchase breast milk and I cannot imagine doing so.  I myself was only breastfed once.  My mother was sick after she gave birth to me and the doctors advised her that for my benefit, she should not breastfeed me.  I consider myself to be a pretty healthy person.  Perhaps if I was not, I would feel very strongly about using breast banks. Perhaps it's because I am not yet a mother and cannot understand the drive to provide the best of everything for my child no matter what.  Or perhaps it's because being a husbandless/childless independent adult, I've become a bit selfish in my thoughts and feelings. It could be for a number of reasons why I have a hard time imagining myself being one of the parents who use breast milk banks.

I am not against the idea at all.  I think it's great that parents have that option available to them.  And I think it's great that there are people out there who are willing to share so much of themselves to help someone else. I am just saying that I don't know if I would use one.  Would you?  Could you?

Here are a few links if you want to find out some of the benefits of breastfeeding as well as the link to the Newsweek article.
http://www.nrdc.org/breastmilk/benefits.asp

http://www.womenshealth.gov/breastfeeding/

http://www.newsweek.com/2010/06/16/others-milk.html#

Mountain Climbing

As some of you might know, I have a fear of heights.  It's not a paralyzing fear, but a fear nonetheless.  Well, a month or two ago, I went climbing indoors.  I was so scared, but it was fantastic!  What a rush.  Friday I took it one step further and climbed and repelled outdoors.  There were many times I was sure I was going to die.  I can be so clumsy sometimes that it was completely foreseeable that I would just accidentally step on a lose rock and fall to my death.  Not only did I not die, but I had an even better time than I did when I did it indoors.  I will definitely do it again! 

The Holi Festival/Festival of colors

http://www.utahkrishnas.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=100&Itemid=190

If you have never experienced the Holi festival, where spring is welcomed, then you have been missing out!  check out the website for more info.

Taking Chances

One of the worst things I've feared happened to me a while ago and...I was ok.

When it comes to matters of the heart, I am the kind of girl who likes to sit back and let it happen.  That does not mean that once action is taken towards me I do not reciprocate.  But I do not take chances.  Not when it comes to my heart.  I always thought it was because I was an easy going girl and I went with the flow.  But I've had a chance to look at myself lately and I've realized that I am a complete coward when it comes to love.  That was something interesting to discover about myself after all these years. 

It is ironic that in my quest to protect my heart, I have had it broken.  It was one of the most painful experiences of my life.  I was right, there is no pain that equals a heartache.  Nothing.  I've never cried so much in my life. To my amazement, though, I've learned so much from that experience.  Don't get me wrong, at times I still think, "When will this pain end!  I can no longer endure it!"  But even doing those times, I felt like it was worth it.  I've learned so much about myself as a woman.  And my heart has never been as open as it is now.  I took a leap of faith and have landed in a place I have never been before.  It's mysterious but full of life.  I feel like a new me.  I am no longer the Laureen I used to be.  I am no longer the Laureen that is afraid to love and be loved.  I am now a woman who knows that when she loves, she loves deeply, thoroughly, and faithfully.  And that I want a man with a faithful heart.  Not one that fades away easily and fast.  To me, that is not love.  At least not the kind I want.  Everyone has their own definition of relationships, friendships, and love.  No one person's definition is necessarily wrong.  But not one size fits all.  I cannot impose mine on anyone else, but I can know what fits me best and what makes me feel the happiest.  And being the sassy girl that I am, I know he will have to love me faithfully in order to put up with me for, hopefully, 30 or more years :). There really is nothing that compares to the feeling of being truly, completely, and unconditionally loved and wanted. And nothing to the warmth, fullness, and passion of loving. I feel like giving them the world, even when they make me mad or sad.  I feel like doing everything in my power to make them happy.  I will love again.  Is the pain worth it?  Yes...yes it is.

Mikarose Mother's Day Giveaway!

Mikarose Clothing Company is offering the ‘Marvelous Mother Giveaway.’ The Giveaway offers an exciting grand prize package which includes:

• Two Economy Class, round-trip tickets to Tampa Florida from any major city in the
Continental United States.
• A Five night Western Caribbean Cruise on Carnival Cruise Line.
• Round Trip transportation from Tampa International airport to the Tampa Cruise Terminal.
• A $100 dollar MikaRose Gift Certificate.

The sweepstakes runs from March 08, 2010 through April 12, 2010. To Nominate a Marvelous mother simply go to www.mikarose.com. Visit this same site to view the complete giveaway rules. No purchase is required to enter the Giveaway. Four finalists will be chosen and their stories placed online where individuals will have an opportunity to vote for the mother they feel deserves the giveaway out of the four finalist. The winner will be announced on May 3rd 2010.